My review of Van Helsing...

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, NO! If you pay more than $2 to see this steaming pile of film, you're getting robbed. This is one of the more aggressively stupid movies I've seen in quite some time.

How dost it be stupid? Let me count the ways, below a cut tag in case anybody decides to ignore my advice, and doesn't want to have any details spoiled...

( Abandon all hope, ye who click on the cut-tag )