(no subject)

So the funeral is tomorrow morning (since I have not gone to bed yet, I am retreating behind the protection of technicality), and because sleep is Not My Friend right now, I decided that I wanted to put together a playlist and listen through it. So I figured what the hell, and I'd post the list of songs, and a note why I chose each one. Hopefully by the time I finish typing this up, I'll be able to get some of the sleep I am going to need.

I never imagined that I would be a pallbearer. I sure as hell never imagined that I would be John's pallbearer. God.

Anyway.

1. Theme From Spider-Man: Yes, the original cartoon. John's four favorite characters were Spider-Man, Batman, Superman, and Wonder Woman. Back when the first Spider-Man movie came out, I saw it three times. I was so damn excited to see that they finally made a movie. John, too. The second time I saw it, John was sitting next to me, and we talked about how damn good it was for I forget exactly how long afterward.


2. Skullcrusher Mountain: Jonathan Coulton: This was the song I introduced John to JC with, and every so often one of us would ask the other one why it wasn't enough that we'd ruined a pony making a gift for each other. Good times.


3. Superman's Song: Crash Test Dummies: Aside from our shared love of the Last Son of Krypton, the line "And sometimes I despair; the world will never see another man like him" ... yeah.


4. Apologize: The Big O Soundtrack: This was the piece of music that was interwound through so much of that show, and it's a beautifully haunting melody.


5. Sleep Instead Of Teardrops: Del Amitri: Ok, this one is just me wallowing in the sad. But it's a song about somebody who is trying to comfort someone who is hurting too raw for comfort, and knows it, but is trying anyway despite the fact that he knows it's all trite bullshit that isn't going to do the actual good that giving yourself time to heal will do, makes too much sense at 2:15 in the morning before you bury your best friend.


6. Breathe (2am): Anna Nalick: also good music for when you just want to listen to something that will ease the hurt.


7. All Through the Night: Cyndi Lauper: This one is just an absolutely fucking beautiful song.


8. These Days: Glen Campbell: When Glen released an album of cover songs a year or so ago, he managed to take ownership of a couple of them away from their original artists. Jackson Browne did a great job when he put this one to vinyl, but just like how Johnny Cash took Hurt away from Trent Reznor, this is Glen Campbell's song now.


9. The Blessings: Dar Williams: Like Anna Nalick's song, this is about people needing someone to be there for them.


10. 1979: Smashing Pumpkins: It just seemed to fit.


11. 100 Years: Five For Fighting: After all the melancholy that followed the first two songs, I decided that something that starts out hopeful, but acknowledges that in the end, we all die - but that's ok, because it's how things work - was needed.


12. Dreaming in Metaphors: Seal: Back when John and I were in our twenties, and dinosaurs roamed the Earth, he taped me a number of the albums he owned. One of them was Seal's self-titled 1994 album, and this was one of my favorites. It seemed a good fit for bringing the list to a close.

Time for bed, I think. Got to be up in five hours. Goodnight, LJ.

Somewhere Out There, John Is Laughing At Me...

First time pallbearer, longtime listener here.

So I went to the church for John's funeral, and figured that if I just do everything that they tell me to do, I don't have to have a clue about exactly what all you do as a pallbearer. They line us up in the hall outside the church auditorium, and they tell me to follow the person in front of me.

Who, as it turned out, was going right up onto the stage there. By the time I realise that maybe I should have, you know, asked where I was supposed to sit before the thing started, I could have avoided becoming what I like to think is going to be referred to by at least one of the other mourners as "Who was that white guy sitting up there by the preacher?"

John's black, btw, so, y'know, black church and all.

It was a good service - very little preaching, mostly just talking about John and what it was like to know him. There was one point that really stood out to me: The preacher talked about how much John loved Star Trek, and how at the end of a lot of the shows they'd have the scene where they fire up the communicator and say "Scotty, beam me up", and that John had been beamed up.

And yes, I am just enough of the hardcore ubernerd that I was thinking "Dude, they never said that." But then my common sense roused itself from its near-perpetual nap and said "Shut up, it sounded good and was a good tribute."

I think John would have laughed about that, too.

Off to go watch the movie now. Selah.